Slap-Your-Mama Pimento Cheese

This recipe is slap-your-mama good! Get ready for a quick go-to snack. It’s perfect for lunches, too, and lasts forever in your fridge if you don’t go on too many middle-of-the-night food raids. Easy, easy, easy. Every time I bring a tray of sandwiches to a school or church function, my popularity level soars. I know everybody and his brother has a favorite recipe for pimento cheese, but this is the best I’ve ever tasted. I would not lie. Okay, I’ve been known to lie, but this is still the best. You’ll see.

Start with 2 cups of grated sharp cheddar cheese. You can use fine. This is a medium grate. Grate your own or use the bagged kind like I did. 


You’ll need 2 cups (16 oz.) of Velveeta cheese. Don’t substitute another brand. This is the gold standard. 


Grate the Velveeta cheese onto a paper plate. There is no need to use the finest grate. Use the larger grate, as it literally melts into the recipe.


Velveeta is a bit messy to grate, but keep on mashing until it all goes through the grater. Put that in the bowl with the cheddar cheese. Eat all the little bits of Velveeta that stick to the paper plate. No one’s looking.


Open a 4 oz. jar of pimentos. Some people like more. This is the perfect size for my family. You can use sliced or diced. The sliced are a little larger than diced. I used sliced.


Pimentos are sweet red cherry peppers packed in their own juices or olive oil. Their delicious flavor is what makes the cheese so special. 


Drain the pimentos.


Add them to the bowl.


Add 1 cup mayonnaise…


…and a few grinds of freshly ground pepper. If you’re not a pepper fan, leave it out. I happen to love the fresh taste.


Stir the mixture well. The Velveeta blends everything together. Mmmmm. Good.


And…there you have it. You now have enough pimento cheese to spread on everything you like: crackers, bread, rolls, celery, or your finger, for that matter. Pimento-cheese sandwiches are divine. You can spread them up, wrap them individually, pack them in your refrigerator in a spot where no one else would look…and you’ve got lunch in an instant. No kidding. Pimento cheese will last at least two or three weeks in your fridge.

I divided mine in half and shared it with my daughter and her family. Maybe she’ll be so happy she’ll forget the slapping part.




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